Now

I very fan.... == somehow u just affect me.. u don't seem like who i know back those few days.. I really wish i know what the heck ur thinking... I dont want to end up having another failure...

You

We filled a bottle of memories as tiny as coloured sand. It labeled us. I kept it safe. But now i have to pour all out n bless each of them gone forever, so i won't have the slightest feeling of nostalgia. I hope u know its not an easy job. The sand often gets into my eyes n it hurts. But after a while, tears stop flowing. My bottle is half empty now. I hope to get a new one soon. I don't desire cracked bottles. They're just, not nice.

Think its u

u r the one who is going to feel regret when i leave. Not me or Mandy. Is u. I really feel so tired to keep on building pillars underneath us, though i am the one who needs u so much now cuz i kept on failing, constantly. U know that? I guess no. Don't make me feel so disappointed with u please? Don't wait until i am so tired to even just look at u or smile at u. I just don't get it. U already have what u want. Mandy mar? Then why u treating me like garbage? Why u suddenly send that SMS saying " i better figure out the problem between us" What u mean har?! I SMS u so many times u nvr reply. I guess u really want me to die waiting then u happy is it? Is not that i wanna say bad about my best friend. But sometimes u dun see the whole thing then u just blame me when u think something is wrong. Why can't i just cry? The guy i like is in love with my best friend n their getting together soon. Why shouldn't i cry? Its my eyes right? I am the one going to be blind not u. When u say my temper not good. I really feel sad about it cuz i don't think i have ever flare up my temper on u by purpose know? I only do it when i cant stand all those shit that ur throwing at me. Only my parents, my family, my pets n my other friends deserve to say that to me. Cuz they are the ones who are always there when I'm in need. Ah Looi i think u should think it through. This time, i am sure. I did nothing wrong. I think most important is the present. So if ur bringing up the past then, forget it.

Shi Wei

most 'perasan' guy in the whole form 4~ Give him a clap!! ^^
haiz.. shi wei i so tired leh........ i wonder if ur still reading my blog.. haha

My life

is so beautiful... Because i had the chance to know u. To be classmates with u 3 years. To get to know ur crazy mood. Get the chance to love u. To listen to ur voice as u give me comfort. I miss u so much ... This time ur birthday, im going to make the same present, but a bigger bottle, much furnished~ (:
100% my own piece of art.
Haiz.. i rmb that day u told me that im talented. But do u really mean that? i mean, am i really like that in ur heart? Or ur just saying it for the sake of saying... If so please dont. I rmb i wanted to play "Apologize" on the piano for u but then u cut the line.. LOL... hmm...==

10 things i wanna do with u before i die

1. i want to travel around the world with u
2. i want to have dinner with u by the seaside, eating cup-noodles
3. i want to meet ur family
4. i want to hear all ur problems in life
5. i want to paint the walls of the house with u
6. i want us to watch a touching movie together, sitting on a couch (shopaholic)
7. i want to watch the sunset n the sunrise every week with u
8. i want to hug u (just once)
9. i want to be ur one n only closest person in the world
10. i want to share my whole life with u
<3

Wang Zi told me that~

I should leave the school. Not because i am running away but because i need a change.
He said that i cant run away when im 20 in societies hands but now, i could still make it to run away. Cuz i still cant face that issue yet. I can have a chance to know new people , adapting to a new environment, and learn how to let go n love someone else. That is the solution for me to be alive again. I must grow up..wait till i can take in much more pain... I'll come back n face my buried problems.. Then i guess i can win at that time.. (:
It's hard to get over u i admit. I never felt this much of emotional turmoil in my whole 15 years of life before. But yeah, i need a break. I am very much alive not a machine! So.. I'll come back n face u when i am in my 20's.
He told me that even if its for Mandy or anyone that i should stay for, then, no. Come back later.
Bye world~

YES or NO

I think i should leave this DAMN school.. really make me so suffering. But i made a promise with u, i know that. But does that mean u can break urs? I guess im really going to leave silently.. i wont let anyone know this time..

I just...

wanna cry out loud n scream............................
1. i felt betrayed.
2. i felt lost.
3. there's a hole in me
4. i want to recover
5. i wish u love me
6. i wish u dun take me for granted
7. i do it all for u
8. ur always hanging on my mind
9. ur name makes me cry
10. i wish all this unhappiness can F off

Did u?

Hock Nian said u fall in love with her many times ... n my best friend kept a secret from me? CAN u guys just say all ? Don't hide from me anymore.....u said i have to face my troubles n not run away from facts.. So now i wanna know facts..
Ah po..cant u just tell me? I didnt know u lied..i thought u really told me everything... Now i really wanna leave...

I want u to know

THAT I WANT TO KNOW U MY WHOLE LIFE. i think that everyday, everyone's personality can be slightly different. Changing everyday. I wish i can have that chance. I know i'll never be ur wife. But i just want to be by ur side. I want to see u, know u, understand u, hear u, my whole life...

Ah looi

U dunno how hard it is to love u.... i just want u to be happy.. At the same time my heart is breaking. But i still can stand up n wipe my tears, so its okay. I have my mom's comfort. So i'll be fine again..

Erm...

I really wish i know what ur thinking... If ur planning to be with my best friend then go ahead.. Like u said.. i have to face my problems in life n not hide from it. So yah.. im ready to face it anytime. But pls dun blame me when i cry... I wont let anyone know i cried. U cant blame me for loving u too much right?

The

Guy im crazy about loves my best friend i think. But i said before no matter how hard it is, i will still go on. Even if one day i see u at one part of the world getting married with ur wife, n even if she is my best friend, i'll just cry silently n pray for ur happiness everyday. Ah L...I really love u.... this friend.. this is how much im willing to go..

Complicated secret

Yah~ i finally let go but...how long it would last? or how much i could let go? im not sure. All i know is ur really someone i cant lose again. I want u to stay with me as long as u can. I feel happy. I never felt this way before, really. I rmb yesterday i was in my room, lying on the floor, i cant calm myself down. At that time im so afraid everyone might know i was crying. The whole wooden floor was soaked with tears i just didn't care.
Then u called. I don't know how to react normal. I am just grateful. U told me not to go. But is that all just about Mandy? So that she could be accompanied? C'mon im not the only friend she has. I bet she'll get along well. Btw U think i really want to leave? Took me a long time to have that decision made know? Then u called n tell me that. I felt that as though there is still hope. That we could be just like the last two years. I miss those times a lot. I talked to my mom about my problems.. n she asked me one question. "Are u thinking of marrying him?" I kept quiet then i smile n said, "what if my answer is, yes?" "Then fight for his attention lor" my mom said. I know she's just joking.. haha.. but, erm.. in reality, i think that might actually work? Lol.. (:
The next day Mandy told me, she actually liked Ah L so much. Been a long time i suspected just that she denied every time i asked. Hmm.. i was dumbfounded. But I want to be there when she have problems because i m her best friend right? So adding up with today, the way i see it, she prefers to talk about her "dilemma" to Shen Zhen.. I really duno... WTH i thought.
Haiz.. no matter what i think ah looi cared for her more. But what does that got to do with me? Im not his wife or whatever... I just wish he can see me as a gd friend.

To u..

Truth is, i miss u.
I say bye but my heart doesn't.
So im a promise breaker, cant even promise myself to let go...
Cried a while..not fully bcuz of the "msg" but ur indecisiveness..
YOU left me waiting...n i lived in a lie, too long...
I admit im nt genuinely "OK" that last day, but i force myself to just bear with it.
Can't let u see my real face that i, actually cared n wished so hard u did try to explain more to me..
So that i wont be left hanging on that ragged piece of rope.
I keep thinking...before all these even started, u used to joke with me, talk with me, laugh with me, break every news to me...i miss ur smile..ur laughs..n everything.
Still rmb that song "U belong with me"? LAWL my neighbour's radio plays it almost every morning n i cant possibly missed it..So, till now, i still rmb clearly about last year, that phone call..when i dedicated it to u..
I used to ask, where'd u go? Now, im still asking the same question.
I just don't get what took u so long to tell me that "us is not gonna work"?
You know u can tell me everything ..right? Love u or not im still ur buddy~~ LOL N, i wish u had told me in person..i wanted so bad to see ur face.. See how u struggle to look me in the eye n say it all... Cuz i knew this day was to come. No matter how unpleasant the news is for me...i'll take it all. As long as ur okay...and at least i know what the hell is going on, n that u really really care for me...Because to me, this kind of stuff should be done proper..i hated to be treated like an unwanted doll....
In any way, im still a person, n a very sensitive one..so..this is one more thing about me...