Complicated secret

Yah~ i finally let go but...how long it would last? or how much i could let go? im not sure. All i know is ur really someone i cant lose again. I want u to stay with me as long as u can. I feel happy. I never felt this way before, really. I rmb yesterday i was in my room, lying on the floor, i cant calm myself down. At that time im so afraid everyone might know i was crying. The whole wooden floor was soaked with tears i just didn't care.
Then u called. I don't know how to react normal. I am just grateful. U told me not to go. But is that all just about Mandy? So that she could be accompanied? C'mon im not the only friend she has. I bet she'll get along well. Btw U think i really want to leave? Took me a long time to have that decision made know? Then u called n tell me that. I felt that as though there is still hope. That we could be just like the last two years. I miss those times a lot. I talked to my mom about my problems.. n she asked me one question. "Are u thinking of marrying him?" I kept quiet then i smile n said, "what if my answer is, yes?" "Then fight for his attention lor" my mom said. I know she's just joking.. haha.. but, erm.. in reality, i think that might actually work? Lol.. (:
The next day Mandy told me, she actually liked Ah L so much. Been a long time i suspected just that she denied every time i asked. Hmm.. i was dumbfounded. But I want to be there when she have problems because i m her best friend right? So adding up with today, the way i see it, she prefers to talk about her "dilemma" to Shen Zhen.. I really duno... WTH i thought.
Haiz.. no matter what i think ah looi cared for her more. But what does that got to do with me? Im not his wife or whatever... I just wish he can see me as a gd friend.